he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
