Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
