i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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