i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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