awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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