My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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