how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's always time for handjobs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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