the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
