Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
