Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
