Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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