How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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