i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
