just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
