so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
