Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
