Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
