so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
