Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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