Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
