Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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