apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
