Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
