Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
