the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
