2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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