The maid of honor just puked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
