So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
