what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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