Can i not drive my cunt home
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
