You're so nebulous sometimes
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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