He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
