And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
