I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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