Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
