found the other keg... it's in the tree
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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