They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
