went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
