I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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