He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
