Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
