Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
