If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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