I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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