Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
