I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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