sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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