my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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