Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
