she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
