TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
